When an adult child discovers that a parent is refusing to take a bath, they are often embarrasses, disgusted and confused.
“This is not who my mother is!” Tony told me. “Appearances are everything to her. Why would she refuse to take a bath?”
Why was she refusing to take a bath?
The staff at the assisted living facility where she lived tried everything to coerce her into taking a bath. They tried reasoning with her. Telling her all if the reasons she needed to take a bath. They tried embarrassing her, telling her she smelled and it was disgusting not to bathe. Nothing seemed to work.
So they brought in her son Tony. Tony tried all of the same things the staff did. He gave mom a long talking to and insisted that she behave and let the staff give her a bath. He asked her why she didn’t want to take a bath put was met with stony silence.
Everyone was frustrated.
So, Tony’s wife Sarah stepped in to see if she could figure out what the problem could possibly be that Sue was refusing to take a bath. This was not like Sue. Sarah and Tony took her every week to get her hair and nails done. She had beautiful clothes and always put on makeup even if she was not going anywhere.
So Sarah began to probe. “I knew there had to be a good reason and I needed to be a good detective to discover what the problem was.” Talking to the staff, she asked them to describe exactly what happened when they tried to give Sue a bath. I want to know what she says she told the staff.
“She starts hollering” Claire said. “You are going to mess my hair. I spent a lot of money on getting my hair done and you are going to ruin it.”
Sarah asked Claire if they covered Sue’s hair with a shower cap. “No, she replied, we wash all the resident’s hair.
There was the problem!
Sue got her hair fixed on Monday, a once-a-week ritual that should last for a week and the staff insisted on washing out her beautiful curls on Tuesday. I would have been angry also!
Dementia patients often cannot express what is wrong with them. As their advocate we need to do some detective work to uncover the reasons for their often bizarre behavior.
Three reasons a dementia patient may refuse to take a bath.
Pain can cause a dementia patient to refuse to take a bath
An elderly person with dementia may have physical pain. Arthritis may act up especially in the early morning hours. A relaxing shower may sound good to soothe those tired and achy joints to you and me but getting undressed, sitting on a hard shower chair and being cold may contribute to more pain. Trying a different time of day may be helpful. Making sure that medication for any pain issues has had time to start working and adding a soft cushion to the shower chair may all help with the ritual.
Fear Is a common reason a dementia patient may refuse to bathe.
When someone is in the later stages of dementia, what seems routine and normal to you, may be foreign and frightening to a patient. The sound of the shower or the feel of it on frail skin could be a good reason to avoid this activity.
Try gentle techniques like using containers of water to rinse the patient rather than a shower beating down on them.
If you do use a shower, make sure the shower head has a very gentle stream coming from it.
Sing. Music often touches the soul, and many people sing in the shower.
Bring music into this ritual to make it more comforting.
Confusion can cause a dementia patient to refuse to take a bath.
If you have not already established a daily routine, it is time to do so. Dementia patients often get agitated and confused. Routine helps establish a sense of balance in their life. It creates body memories. Even though their mind cannot tell you what the daily routine will be, their body will remember the routine and they will react accordingly. If bath time has been a struggle, you will need to charge what you have been doing to create a comfortable experience.
Conclusion:
Sometimes you must be a bit of a detective to discover what might really be going on. There is always a reason. Your job is to figure out what it could be.
In honor of our founder Pat Mack, we are carrying on the tradition of caring for our residents in "The Light Heart Way"
Light Heart Memory Care homes are specially designed for 8 residents. This gives us the ability to give personalized care to each and every resident.
Contact us to learn more about Light Heart Memory Care, or book a free consultation.
Phone: 281.282.0770 Email: office@lightheartmemorycare.com
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